On my morning walk today, I noticed some beautiful flowers and stopped by to admire them. As I stood there, I noticed a gentleman known to me walking past busy talking on his cell phone. He suddenly stopped, turned back, and said, “Trust everything is all right”. When I told him that I was admiring the flowers, he was surprised and said that he hadn’t noticed any.
Quite understandable, I said, you were busy on the phone. His reply was quite shocking, he said with a bit of pride, “I go for a walk every morning and utilize this time to catch up with my team and tell them what my expectations for the day are!
In awe, I said, after all, it is only 7:00 AM! To which he replied with some annoyance, “This is the time I AM FREE!”
I was SHOCKED at his arrogance. Well, he may be free, but what about his team members who may have some other things to do before reaching work?
On my way back home, I tried to visualize what his subordinates must be going through every morning.
I wondered how many such bosses existed who are arrogant and aggressive and perhaps the cause of the high attrition rate in organizations. I pondered what stops people from telling their boss that he cannot intrude into their time unless it is something so critical.
I am sure many people could have a happier work life if only they were able to tell their bosses (of course when they are in a receptive mood) that they too have a family and need some personal time.
The office is important but so is your life!
Why are so many people facing such situations? Probably, they are too passive and do not have the courage to display assertive behaviour.
Let’s first understand what assertiveness is. Assertiveness is the art of expressing your ideas, thoughts, and feelings straightforwardly without being hurt or hurting anyone. This skill can be practiced. and it helps a person be effective in their professional and personal lives. A person cannot practice assertiveness if he/she is overwhelmed with apprehension, anxiety, guilt, or fear of the consequences.
Tips to be assertive
- Be open to facing rejection, never give up if you are convinced that what you want is very important to you.
- Don’t get emotional; Always be calm and respectful of others’ feelings.
- Be responsible for your thoughts and actions.
- positively express your thoughts and feelings and accept criticism with an open mind.
- When you have to say “NO” say it without hesitation and without hurting the other person.
In their book, Asserting Yourself, Sharon and Gordon Bower have developed the DESC technique script DESC stands for Describe, Express, Specify, and Consequences.
To develop assertiveness, you can practice using the DESC script. Try putting down on paper what you will say and practice it many times before you talk to the person.
DESCRIBE – Describe the behaviour/situation as completely and objectively as possible. Just the facts!
EXPRESS – Express your feelings or thoughts about the behaviour/situation. Try phrasing your statements using “Ï” and not “You” as sentences beginning with “You” tend to put people on the defensive, and then it is difficult to make them listen.
SPECIFY – Specify what behaviour/outcome you would prefer to happen.
CONSEQUENCES – Specify the consequences if this happens. (Both positive and negative)
In the case narrated above, the subordinates can respectfully tell the boss that they find it extremely difficult to take his call at 7:00 AM and they would appreciate it if he spoke to them at the start of work time or if he wishes to use his time at 7:00 AM, then he could send them a recorded message.
It is better to stand up against being exploited by being passive. It doesn’t bring any joy to people as they start the day with resentment!
benefits of being assertive
Being assertive has the following benefits:
- You become more productive.
- It helps in expressing and communicating your feelings accurately.
- You ask for things you want and say no to things you do not want.
- It provides you the chance to care for your interests.
- Most important it helps in attaining the respect of others.
If you want to be productive, happy, and at peace, it is time to give up your passive style and start being assertive!
