A few months back I received a call from one of my long-lost connections. We chatted for almost an hour on various issues – the pandemic, changes in the work and economic environment, his new role and the challenges it held, and also his expectations.

I was a bit taken aback when I heard him say, “I wish my team would love me”. I asked, “what makes you believe that you are not loved?”

He answered slowly, “well, you see, at office get-togethers, I’m never the one who is surrounded by people.”

I realized, there was much more to this. So, I put on my Coach’s hat and decided to delve further. I asked him, “what would make you love someone? He thought for a while and replied, “a person who smiles at me, listens to me, treats me with respect, and does not judge me”. Wow! That’s quite a list, I said.

Suddenly, there was silence at the other end. He abruptly disconnected the call.

What Really Matters

Today, he called again. This time, he thanked me profusely, saying that our conversation had helped him to look inward and change for the better. Now, he feels both loved and appreciated.

Reflecting upon this conversation, I realized that, in the race of getting to the top, he had lost touch with himself and the people around him.

The initial euphoria of name and fame of the current position had overwhelmed him, till he saw his people drifting away. This was a rude shock. Our conversation brought that to light.

Have you heard people lamenting when they have gone through a divorce or their children have gone astray saying, “I wish I had spent more time with my own.”

Being Loved Is A Basic Need

You can’t put away love for something else! However, this simple fact means nothing to many people on the face of it till they are faced with some personal tragedy!

Therefore, I strongly felt that I should highlight this fact that we all need to love and be loved. Hence, I decided to help all of you to avoid falling into the trap of losing touch with people around you.

I’m sure you are curious to know how. I have curated some simple tips. I want you to first start with the basic level and then move on to the next level.

12 Simple Tips

The Basic Level

Smile: I’m sure you like people who smile. So, be the one who is liked, wear a genuine smile. Be happy to meet people.

Greet: You are happy when people greet you. So what stops you from greeting people? As you walk into the office, start greeting people right from the Security personnel, Janitor, and everyone you encounter. See what a difference it makes to them. Don’t be disappointed if some do not respond to your greetings.

Name: You feel happy when someone calls you by name. Similarly, others too feel happy to hear their name. So you must make a conscious effort to not only remember the people’s names but also pronounce them correctly. Addressing people by their name will help you to connect better with people. Believe me, there is great truth in what Dale Carnegie said,  “A person’s name is to that person, the sweetest, most important sound in any language.” 

Respect: You feel hurt if someone treats you badly or humiliates you. Other’s feel the same way. So treat every single person you meet with respect, whatever be their age, gender, or status in society. Remember respect begets respect.

Say Thank You: Always remember to thank people. Be grateful for what they have done for you. Practice the Attitude of Gratitude, it is rewarding. 

Appreciate: You like appreciation, so do others. Appreciate people genuinely for their efforts. Everyone may not be perfect, but remember, everyone needs appreciation.

The Next Level

Listen: When someone speaks to you, give them your undivided attention. I’m sure you don’t like to talk to people who keep looking at their phone or computer screen or glance elsewhere while you are talking to them. Be sensitive to this.

Receive Compliments with grace: If anyone gives you a compliment, accept it gracefully. No one likes people who belittle or ignore their compliments.

The Golden Rule: Follow the golden rule, “Applaud in public but reprimand in private.”  Never make anyone feel small in the presence of others.

Let go: Do you like people reminding you of your past mistakes again and again? Definitely not! Don’t ruminate over things that went wrong and remind yourself or others about them. Just let go. It will not only help you to be happy but also keep others happy. 

Apologize: You are human, whatever be your position, always have the grace to accept your mistake. Acknowledge your mistake and apologize, this will help you to rise in stature in the eyes of others.

The 3 Cs:  Never criticize, condemn or complain. No one likes people who criticize, condemn others, or complain about everything.

Love is Essential

Being loved is an essential need for each one of us. If that is so, what should we do?

The answer is, we should never forget that if we want to be loved by others, we must also love them. The love between people is not one-sided, it is mutual!

So, wait no more, go ahead, and sincerely put into practice these 12 simple tips. Make it part of your natural behaviour and see the difference in your life…